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  • Writer's picturePaula Bude

Walls where there could be windows...

Updated: Jun 29, 2019

The promise of spring. Mist rising into the busy heat of the day. I breathe it all in on my morning walk by the ocean. Then, suddenly I stop...

In front of me is a monolithic house with huge walls... walls where there could be windows, where there could be openings to let in the joy of ocean, sunlight and sky. I find myself wondering what architect would orient this home so poorly in relation to its location. This stock building, like another file number in an endless catalog, seems oblivious to the awe of its surrounding, fortified and closed off from the beautiful view before it.

I wonder why this image has captured my imagination, and notice how it parallels my inner experience.  Where have I allowed walls where there could be windows? Where am I unnecessarily defended, thus missing out on oh, so much life? Where am I blindly accepting a stock narrative that does not serve me?

It’s not that walls are unimportant as structural elements; it’s that at times I can over-do the wall thing at the expense of more vulnerable openings that allow for an influx of beauty and wonder… and as the calligraphy on one of my favourite necklaces reminds me, ‘wisdom begins with wonder’.

It’s like… the illness that pushed my surgery date down the road, seemingly creating chaos in my overpacked schedule. The walls of ‘resistance to what is’, of the sense that “it shouldn’t be this way”, create a sense of frustration that prevents me from noticing the possibility inherent in this imperfect moment.

Don't Get Stuck!

Yet if I take the time to wisely orient myself toward the current landscape of life, I suddenly see open space for walking, for writing, for wonder. Radical acceptance can be my window, allowing me to notice and appreciate the beauty available to me right now. It’s not that I don’t allow room to notice some momentary sense of loss, helplessness or frustration, it’s that I don’t need to get stuck there. There’s so much more behind that wall—the wall is part of it, sure, and then there’s also the window into the inherent resilience, healing and flexible nature of life unfolding. 

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